Josh Sabarra - Author and Producer

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

We sit down with Josh Sabarra, author of Porn Again: A Memoir and Enemies Closer, for a candid chat about Hollywood, coming out, plastic surgery, and staying sane during quarantine.  

This is METROSOURC Menni, beficialpotcast, the Metrosource magazine and home of short form interviews with yourfavorite personalities from the lgbt world and Beyon quick fun andinformatent. It's MUC A horce on the go out in cow since Nineteen Ninetelho.This is Meteforwit Min. I hos ot of EO Radrige, but you now keep your enemiesclose, but your enemy is closer well, we have best neling author Joobaratenman marketing executive, a television producer who has helpedposician of thelo Disney Company wertner brothers, Marmaxnewine CIEMAand life pim network, Alfof, fom, gamark movies, n. He redived from l awhere he was a president, an CEO of his own public relation for a cranky newspar his first book torn again, a memoir in his fiction. Ori, the novel ENEMI'sclothes are, are available well wide, Plas, Lelcome, Joshabara, Hal and onder. I us have to say like right off the batlike whenever you take Stolfin and you have that backdrop. I always assumeyou're at like a barns and noble around the world. That's actually your house!You have that many book I do my. I think I put Barnes andnoble to shame interms of my inventory how many books do you have? Have youever found it? You know I haven't. I I'm guessing thousands Hecowsan, I'm a big reader, I'm a big reader, I'mAer well ook at your first ball, Cornaganamemir. I actually read it in one sitting Um, because you sharedeverything about your life and you have a lot of gt like the idiosthyncratiesthat I had when I was a kid and you know coming out late Um, but you detaila lot of your sexual entowters with celebrities, some namedropping pursecrushes and even some adult film star.

What have you learned about yourself, the lost through thesesexual encounters and what have you learned about other people from Yeur,sexual and Intelli? Well, you know it's interesting. I think that's a greatquestion! Um! You know there are there are reasons why all of those storiesare in the book, and you know I, as you mentioned, I came out late and didn'treally have a sexual identity until I was thirty one years old, and so Ithink there was a little bit of a delayed adolescence. There was thatsort of making up for lost time, and I think at one time I thought that maybeI could fast forward throug all of those things that we do betweeneighteen and and twenty five and sort of get right to you know, setting uphouse with somebody, and I didn't realize that I really needed to stillget through that journey and experience those things Um, and so the stories that I tell in thebook are just sort of a way to illustrate how I got how Isort of had to hit fast forward and then rewind and go through the thingsthat I needed to do, make the mistakes that I needed to make um the the makethe right choices that I needed to make. You know all of that's in there. Youknow it's it's. You know t thee, there are things that ended well and thingsthat ended not so well Um, so that was sort of the it was sort of to showpeople the journey well and part of your journey. Um isbeing part of this entertainment industry coming up late M now thatwe're in privacy that we're talking to like the Lesley Jordan, who os ourcover or or our pride issue and Halk about obeing out and proud, and he aslike. Well, that's not always the case Um. How had been open agay in theentertainment industry, Um changed over the years in your opinion and Um. Do you think it is possible to be like a...

...eelister in main stream while being anopenly gay ate m? You know, I do think that we havemade strides. I think, there's still a lot of work to be done, but I do thinkthat people are far more open minded M and I have seenthat evolution in the period of time that I've been in the entertainmentbusiness. Interestingly, for me and my jobs Um, I didn't rea it. It wasn'treally a problem for me because I worked in public relation and marketingUm, which is typically an area of the business that is Um, pretty open and accepting, and I workedwith many gay men, a lot of women, so I didn't really come up against h any you know I dealt with a lot ofsharps and horrible people, but they weren't things that related tomysexuality Um. I did have a number of those me two moments Um. I you knowwhere I had people behave with me in a reallyinappropriate way. Um, but I wasn't. I never had an issue um with my job orthe way I was treated in Thi job because of my sexuality, because Ithink I worked in an area of the business that was sort of already astep ahead in a way sobeing a victim of that kind ofofectual harassment. What kind of feeling what did ever feel like whenyou started, seeing that the meeto movement was actually Um taking forceand there were people being punished for their behavior and the kind ofshift in how we look at sexuality and in Gender Rules Wor? I think out ofthat, feel that NA been through that, I o think it was a real importantconversation Um and you know one that is ongoing Um. You know it as very...

...you know, and I was definitely able toemphathize an tilly understand where everybody was coming from having beenin a position to be approached by people are treated by people in thatway. At a time when I wasn't out yet youknow, th t e, the things that happened to me happened when I was not yet outof the closet, and you know I talk about them in in my first Bo corn.Again, I talk about a couple of those instances and I was already had a senseof shame because that had been drilled into me from the time I was you know inpreschool, when kids started to notice, there was something different about meand would call me names or bully male. It was sort of drilled into me fromthat age that there was something wrong with me or that I wasn't as worth wileas otether people, because whatever this was that people could perceiveabout me that was different and then those those then you know flash forwardto having those incidents occur. It sort of Um it sort of hit that shamefulspot for me and sort of pushed me even further awayfrom s from being myself and embracing who I really was because I felt evenmore shameful about it. You know I I felt like. Maybe I had done somethingto bring it on, or I behaved in a way that Um told people that it was okay totreat me that way, and so I I understand why, when people have a hardtime coming forward, you know that oftentimes, it's a feeling of shame andthat's how I felt at at those time. We certainly share a lot inmemmor. Also,you know we're going through quarantine and I've got my quorentine carbs. Idon't know, but I'm gon Ta Ware, when we I can actually like go oud, butwe're dealing with the talk of body, positivity and body issues, an you're,very open about your body issues, your...

UOPASSIC surgery and we're supposedlymaturing an owdebt community and embracing differences of our sizes andour features. But can you tell I them bood about your journey through yourbody issues, nd and how you were through it? Yeah I mean I had M. I definitely hadhad eating disorders Um. I because I was bullied so much andmarginalized so much growing, H, um. You know, and those were things thatwere beyond my control. I couldn't I couldn't control how people treated meat school, but I could control what I ate and when you're young there's notthat much that you actually do have agency over. But what you put in yourmouth is one of them and you know that's why you'll see people sometimesyou'll se younger people like sneaking food or hoarding food. You know I couldcontrol that and I could do it out of sight and it would make me feel bettertemporarily for that small period of time that the food tasted good it was an escape and a control. Andwhat would happen is I was starting to put on weight because I was controllingmy feelings with food and then my parents, who didn't know why I waseating, would say thing that twanted me to be healthy and would say things tome like. Oh, do you need that piece of cake? Do you need those French fries?So I would go to school and get bullied and then sort of come home and eventhough my parents meant well, I was sort of being bullied about my eatingand there was no place that felt safe or comfortable. So I sort of wentthrough stages of being overweight and being UNEREXIC, and it's been, you knowsomething that I've had se sort of balance, my entire life ecause thatdoesn't just disappear when you are conditioned to use food in that way,you know food becomes a tool and m. You know I still struggle with it, so WI'm glad you've Cud ot, because a lot of people think, Oh, you know. I haveboy issues back then, but it is a...

...struggle and- and I know from ourpersonal conversations, you do keep track Yo r calories on the KINDOF mealand what You keep your cheep meals are Um and and anything like that, O umvery important. But to be, you know there is this sort offocus on appearance and aesthetics and I think we need to be morecompassionate towards people, because we never know what somebody's goingthrough like nobody. Nobody necessarily knows when Youve put on weight thatmaybe that's something you know something that's really hurtful fromthe past and when you lose weight and people don't realize, like people willsay things like you're, so skinny you know I it can be just as detrimental toyou like theiare two sides to that equation and feeling, like you, don'tlook. Go You kN, W it's more wrongly, it's more socially acceptableto be too skinny than it is to be overweight, which is something that Inever think any or it were too rich. It had said the thing O, but it's funny'cause I' social media. Even on your social media. I follow Yu on IstogramANP will say: Oh God, you Ow, look looking good, looking thin and all thatand thike. Well, thank you, but that's that's not the first thing of who I amand they're just trying to be nice, but you know we're in a scrolling type ofenvironment where it looks good, looks, good, looks good right and I amsensitive. You KN W. I listen, people don't meet, most people don't mean anyharm Um, and I think it would be great if nobody meant harm like there's,really no reason to tear anybody down m I, but you know people sometimes are alittle thoughtless about the things they say, but sometimes that's becausethey're not thinking you know again, there's a sort of a sense of compassion.We need to have with people. I think Um and understand where people might becoming from. You know we're all dealing with something that nobody knows about very true and especially duringQorteanwher we've been isolated and people have had. You know, metal issuesbecause it has been so imating and you...

...just never know, what's happeningbehind the smokand mirrors and is Toran profile. Well, exactly, and then thereare people like who are, you know, making nine million loaves of Sour Joeand ten million banana bread? And I like what do you want in Aplus andQuarantine, a GN o cat from the same clot like O,we're not cooking we're Postmaiteng yeah I's like I'll eat, Youre Bananabread, I'm not baking any, and I don't n think twenty pintures ofit. I Mi Takin of cokand mirrors, you have met, hung out with become friendswith every kind of celebrity. I do literally mean every kind of celebrityfrom zliters of to alisters. What have you learned most about the reality ofHollywood through these relationships? I would say you know I. I would saythat I've come across Um. You know, I think friendships with celebritiesseem really glamorous, and I think there was a period of time where itmade me feel better about myself, because I was friends with wereseemingly appealing to people who other people thought were special, and so itgave me a sense of self word, but it's sort of an empty sense of self worth,because what does that really mean? And you know I a lot of friendships withcelebrities, really there's a lot of inequities in them, because they don'tthey don't necessarily have the time or the resources to be the same kind offriend to you that they expect you to be to them, and that seem to be the now.I'm not again. That's a generalization. There are some lovely people who are inthe spotlight, but for the most part, what I found was that they weren'trelationships that were ultimately fulfilling for me and that I was sortof running on a treadmill to be there for those people, but they weren'tnecessarily there for me in the same way, and so I've sort of Um, you know been much more judicious thesedays about Um having only people in my...

...life who are really an enhancement. Well, this is a theme you bring up inyour first fiction: Um Novel Enemies, closer there've, a lot fumilarities toactual Hollywood, Um Stars ofococloson. But it's a thing that you do talk aboutwhere thits it's a reality. How close of a friend can you have it inHollywood? But I want to ask you: Do you think Social Mudia in adgressivepress has kind of diminished the idea of a Hollywood star? Do you think weknow too much about celebrities now or Um you now? Should they be brought down toa very level like? Would you have for breakfast or you know, a picture of youand your Qece and starbucks? You know get like the old grarmer magazines ofthe past yeah I mean I don't think, there's a right or wrong per se. Ithink it's how you want to be perceived, and I think there are some celebritieswho do it really well, who know how to show up at work. Do the work promotethe work and then you don't see them or hear from them. Th Th, it's not constant than there are some people whoare famous for the sake of being famous and they're famous because they areputting things on instagram and they're famous because they are putting thingson cwitter and I'm not judging either way. It just depends on how you want tobe seen and be perceived. But you know, if you look at there are certaincelebrities who really get it right and you know they show up and they're therewhen they have a project that they want to talk about, and otherwise they livetheir lives quietly. There are many people have mastered that well and then,like I said there are people who are famous for the sake of being famous andthat's a whole different level of celebrity. So I think it depends onwhat what you're looking to accomplish and I'm not saying either one is wrong.I'm just saying it's: It's a different PA, gowl amte telling everyodot again vetwo books and you'll reclew them in one sitting like I did. Are you weding a falleenemy play? I'mnot allowed to talk about it y, but I I...

...am working on a book. That's going tobe something totally different than you would expect for me, gimme the page of Gro. I know we're going to end ourMETROARSMITTIG with a little rapid fire, areyou ready, sure, okay, an actor inHollywood that you're like. Why are they casting anything m? I don't. I don't think I have somebodywho I have that strong, a feeling about. Okay, all right, that's safe, that'ssave Mister Barro! I mean there are people who arecertainly more exciting than others, but you know there's a lip for everypot. Somebody likes everything. You know m you also par with halmlwark movies.You man a Camio this last Christmas, even yeah, with your friend inty gradesby the WAT. Yet with the title of the Homer Film B. Regarding your time andQuarantig, I guess it would have to be calledChristmas and quarentine how much you would have ven you bettertraid, Mirket, real fast, how much you wanted that that's going to be withEddy Atibrian and um WHO's, the girl from Lotonface Christma Itan, its INQUIRANTINE. I love it H, strangest PR headline orstory that comes to mind from over the ears. Oh strangest, purheadline, um Um. I don't know Womot shopping M God I don't. I don't N. I mean Ithink I was really surprised by the UM. Rhich is recent, and I don't know whythis comes to mind, but the Wenipaltro...

Agina candle a I like a book look. I was like what, but is she with her team of people andshe like go guy I've nowwegum a per man. We Wul in ne of a gate, wget a candlethat just sort of evokes nivagina ha a a good, dug your worst celebrity,meaning, oh m! I would say I don't I I would say in terms of workwise. Ifound working on a movie called the insider about the tobacco industry tobe a very difficult to experience and, let's just leave it at that. Okay, O an I MDV that one oit was a te Bara at age. Twenty one!Sorry. What would you say to Josh at age? Twenty one buck a lap for many reasons that had been Josabara from Nimpafortmies Gosh tell them where they can find you, I'm on insegramant twitter at Josh,Savera, Jo Sh s, a Ba rr, a and a faced book at Josh Sebera author and I alwayslove to hear from people m Nice people to think Tere, Ladinto Im what peoplegin to fly into your dam. You know what open come on. It's funny, cu, Iwoul, say Sabara,because you not T gwant to be PA FIR Obara yeah is Therei. I don't know whywe pronounce it that way, but we do I don't you know.

I have to Tay o Etoto Tis summer read is, of course, portagain a memoir and enemies, closer H, perfect for the beach, the pool, latenights, um or reading inthe office, and you should be working and one. I justmention that I'm donating all the royalties from the sale of porn againfor the month of June for pride to the ACL. U? U So any porn, againmerchandise book, royalty's, anything all going to ACLU EXCELLENT! Thank GOURGOSH! Thank you! All right, Acif, O episode out of yourhost and leav Riadi for Mesto sorts out, ofanda Ruddri. You could follow me: OuInstegran, a OA EDO ER to convinge Listeng to all of our episodes.feachuring your favorite celebrity from our issues until next time. Stay trueand do youboothat has been another mephos ors. Many like Sharo, subscribedon your favorite podcast player and check out the latest issue ofmetrosports magazine on new stans Ar Online at Nesahor. DOTCOM, follow USUnfaithfu, Ister, Anat, attesort and Onqinera Hat e first man. Another time.

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